Hi.

I’m an anxiety-riddled, grass-eating cat mom happily engaged to a transgender man.

I work as an engineer in New York City, pretending to be an adult and spending a solid 20% of my time trying to remember to not reply all.

I wanted a platform to share my wealth of equally positive and negative experiences as I attempt to navigate my twenties, and maybe get a little preachy here and there about veganism, mental health and LGBT rights.

At the very least, I hope to make you laugh.

100 Thoughts You Have While Planning an LGBT Wedding

100 Thoughts You Have While Planning an LGBT Wedding

1.     I’M GETTING MARRIED!!!! WOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!

2.     Wait this is legal, right?

3.     Omg we have to choose a venue!

4.     What if the venue that we pick doesn’t like gay people?

5.     Do we have to tell them we’re gay?

6.     What if just one of us goes to look at it alone and then they won’t even have to know we’re both girls?

7.     What if they love gay people though?

8.     Maybe they’ll give us a discount if we are extra gay

9.     Where did we put our rainbow suspenders?

10.  Omg I have to pick a wedding party

11.  Are we both allowed to have bridesmaids?

12.  What if I want guys on my side too?

13.  Bridesmen?

14.  Groomsmaids?

15.  Can I have a gay boy be a bridesmaid of a lesbian woman?

16.  Who walks down the aisle first?

17.  I wonder if we can find a rabbi who will marry two women

18.  Cannot WAIT to try dis food, yum

19.  Where do we go to get our marriage license?

20.  Like… the normal place?

21.  What if the person at the courthouse doesn’t like gay people?

22.  They still have to do their job….. right?

23.  They’ll probably just make us wait like 5 hours longer out of spite

24.  Do we still invite the family members that are still not totally on board with the gay thing we got goin’ on here?

25.  Whose parents have to pay for this? BOTH?

26.  Why are there no wedding planning binders for sale that don’t have a space to write the GROOMS NAME?

27.  Who gives the toasts?

28.  Should we get a DJ or a band?

29.  Bands are like hella expensive

30.  Can our cat be the flower girl (boy)?

31.  What if the DJ is homophobic?

32.  Again, can we like just not tell them?

33.  Is that illegal?

34.  Can’t wait to tell my coworkers I’m getting married!

35.  Wait, do they know I’m gay?

36.  Maybe I’ll just keep the wedding on the DL

37.  But what if I want to invite them?

38.  We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it

39.  Ugh we have to look for a photographer now

40.  All of their pictures look the same…

41.  Can we just go with the cheapest one?

42.  Can our cat marry us?

43.  I will buy him a bowtie

44.  These photographers don’t have any samples from same-sex weddings…

45.  That’s probably fine though, right?

46.  I’m sure it’s fine

47.  Like even if they don’t like gay people, we’re so cool and fun

48.  Should we tell our guests to invite their cats?

49.  We could have a cat table

50.  Can we just do the cake tasting and let our mom’s plan the rest of this BS?

51.  What even is a rehearsal dinner??????

52.  Now that Jess is trans… I guess we gotta tell some people

53.  Like the officiant

54.  That would be so awk if we didn’t tell her and she referred to Jess as her in the ceremony

55.  Oh boy we have to make sure all of the guests know too…

56.  A wedding is not the ideal place to find out your niece is now your nephew

57.  Do we have to tell EVERYONE?

58.  Like the DJ??

59.  I guess the contracts say Jessica and Mercedes, soo…

60.  How the F do you formulate an e-mail to tell your wedding DJ that your fiancé is trans now and we need a new contract….

61.  Brb taking a nap to escape adulting

62.  I am not paying $5,000 for someone to videotape my wedding, I will never watch it

63.  Who wants to watch a video of themselves ugly cry and awkwardly kiss in front of 200 people?

64.  Can our cats just take pictures of us?

65.  Omgosh we should do a flash mob

66.  Bruno Mars has a lot of good flash mob songs

67.  That sounds like a lot of work though

68.  Cat flash mob?

69.  Dammit, should not have thrown away that wedding planning binder with the space to write the grooms name….

70.  Thank GOD we didn’t print invitations yet

71.  Now that we have two cats, we have to work BOTH of them into the wedding

72.  Ugh now we have to get Jess a wedding band

73.  What do we do with his old engagement ring and wedding band?

74.  Keep them for a daughter?

75.  Sell them for wedding $$$$$$?

76.  See if they fit on our cat’s legs?

77.  What if a family member doesn’t come because their homophobic?

78.  Or transphobic?

79.  Or even worse, what if they do come and say something inappropriate?

80.  It is my wedding, I do not want to babysit our 80-year-old relatives

81.  Am I overthinking this?

82.  Are people not as homophobic and transphobic as I think they are?

83.  I’m being ridiculous, I just need to relax

84.  Everything will be fine, I’m sure

85.  This is just a normal wedding, I am just planning a normal wedding

86.  Wait am I being naïve now?

87.  Should I be panicking even MORE than I am now??

88.  I need another nap

89.  Okay, refreshed and ready to plan some more

90.  What if the caterer we want is homophobic?

91.  Or what if they aren’t, but their employees are??

92.  What if they make the foods not as good :(

93.  What is the point of even getting married if the food is not good

94.  Am I unfairly assuming that people are horrible?

95.  I should be nicer… I’m sure homophobic people wouldn’t do something mean like that

96.  Or maybe they would

97.  I should call my mom

98.  She’ll know

99.  She literally knows everything

100.  (Sobbing): “Mom, I’m afraid my caterer will be transphobic and make bad food and I don’t even know if my cats are coordinated enough to be flower boys, I CAN’T HANDLE THIS”

 

Sweet Potato Chickpea Breakfast Hash

Sweet Potato Chickpea Breakfast Hash

CAT POTW IX

CAT POTW IX