Guess Who's Back Back, Back Again
Cede's Back Back, Tell a Friend!
I know, horrible title. But I always tried to replace Shady with Cede in every Eminem song when I was little. Also, in case you’re reading this and aren’t aware, my name is Mercedes but my friends and family call me Cede (pronounced like Sadie) for short.
Quick side story that I can’t help but share since I just brought up Eminem:
When I was about 7, my parents decided to buy Dillon and I each a CD from K-mart. I got Britney Spears’ "Oops I Did It Again” and Dillon got an Eminem CD (not sure which but you can probably figure it out with some math).
My parents let Dillon put his new CD into the car CD player for us all to listen to on the way home. As you probably know, Eminem uses many R-rated words in his music and it didn’t take long for them to appear. As soon as they did, I IMMEDIATELY started crying and screaming at the top of my lungs. BECAUSE….
When I was little, I wanted to be the pope. And the pope did not condone swearing.
I’m pretty sure my blog is just a story about me having four seconds of free time and thinking to myself, “I CAN WRITE AGAIN” and then those four seconds passing and me disappearing from the interest for six months.
But I’m back (again)! And I want to write a little about why I’ve disappeared for several months and what I’ve been doing because I’M SO EXCITED about it. And as I’ve said from the beginning of this blog, I want to write for two reasons:
1. To help myself; writing is something I love to do whether it is for therapeutic, boring, daily journaling purposes or narratives meant for others to read
2. To help other people; I like to write about my experiences because I think some of them are somewhat taboo to talk about and I think it’s helpful to share with people who may also be experiencing them (or those who aren’t, so they can learn!)
Spoiler alert: this post is probably more like #1^
I started the year with a plan to spend each month focusing on something that I’ve been putting off for a long time. I’m a true procrastinator at heart (and an excellent one) - my therapist always tries to convince me that procrastination only causes you to be twice as miserable as you would be if you just did the thing in the first place. Even if the thing sucks. Because in order to avoid doing something, you have to be thinking about that thing. And if you avoid it for five days, you spend five days thinking about it. And while you’re thinking about not doing it, you can’t even enjoy what you’re doing instead of the thing because you’re still thinking about the THING! I mean, she’s right, but I still don’t do the thing… maybe someday!
[Sorry for the headache :) ]
Anyway, back to the beginning of the year post…I was feeling really empowered and courageous (typically New Year feelings I suppose) about tackling those dreadful goals and I thought this would be a nice way to keep myself accountable. However, life got in the way and somewhat derailed those plans. While I have still been keeping up with that original plan to some extent, I’ve been focusing a lot of my time and effort in other areas as well. But the good news is that these life disruptions were actually super positive and exciting!
Here it comes…
Wait for it…
Wait for it…
WE BOUGHT A HOUSE!
It’s kind of funny how all of it happened because we definitely were not planning on buying a house this summer. We just got married and moved to a different state within like three months, so clearly our bank accounts were feeling it. We were tossing around the idea of buying a house perhaps this fall or next summer, but nothing definite. We thought that our lease went through October so we considered buying a house then. However, we somehow got that totally wrong and we were informed that our lease actually ends in July… SURPRISE! So after some discussion (and a brief mental breakdown), we decided that we would try our hardest to find a house we truly love and can afford and if we couldn’t do that in time, we would rent for another year.
After cycling through several real estate agents, falling in love with houses that were gone the same day they were listed, and being VERY surprised by the difference between pictures and real life… we finally found a home that we love, could afford and was still available. And we bought it! Still not totally sure how it all happened, but somehow it did. I would also like to add that the process of buying a home is the most stressful, complicated and difficult thing I’ve ever experienced. I’m thinking about writing a unofficial guide for young, first time home-buyers because there was nothing on the internet that I felt really described the process in it’s entirety. I know it’s probably very different for everyone, but I think a general “what to expect/how to prepare” guide would have been really helpful.
But you guys, I’m obsessed even though it needs some work and is totally destroying my wallet, I LOVE IT SO MUCH (tears flooding down face emoji). We are slowly moving everything over since we don’t have to be out of our apartment until the end of the month. We spent the first couple of weeks after we closed on painting as much as we could. Almost every wall in the house was the color of butter…. so we are working on addressing that…butter…. We’ve never painted before really so that was quite the experience, but I’m super proud of what we’ve done! This is the transformation our living room has made! Obviously minus our furniture…
I’ve wanted to just decorate every inch of this house since the moment we closed, but I’ve had to force myself not to. Owning a home is already so costly and reminding myself of that is rather difficult. We did, however, decorate the back deck! My mom came down and help plant some flowers and vegetables. I’ve never really had plants but I’ve always wanted to. I’ve always been nervous about having them inside because of the cats, and we’ve never had any space outside really, so I figured this would be the time to get some!
I’m extremely nervous about keeping them alive and they’ve already suffered through one rain storm, so hopefully they’ll fully recover and I don’t let them down too much. They’re so pretty and I can’t wait for peppers and tomatoes!
As if buying a house wasn’t enough stress, excitement and exhaustion… I also decided to quit my job right in the middle of our house hunting. The bank wasn’t thrilled, but ya know… I’ve said this since the day I got my first job and I’ll never stop saying it: If you don’t like your job, try your hardest to get a new job. Now I know this is not easy for everyone. But what I mean is that you shouldn’t do something for 70% of your waking hours if it makes you 100% miserable. It is so so so bad for you in the long run. I would also never encourage someone to just quit their job before they had another one lined up. But I think that if you assess the way your job makes you feel for several weeks or months, and you come to a rational conclusion that it makes you feel like shit, then it is time to start exploring your options and seeing what you can do to remove yourself from that situation. Don’t just stay in it and become increasingly more miserable every day without at least taking the first step toward an alternate path. That’s all I’m saying.
My last job was not what I expected to say the last. I’m not going to trash a company or a person(s) on the internet but I will say that I woke up miserable, I sat at work for eight hours being miserable, and I came home miserable knowing I had to do it again the next day. And I don’t just mean the normal “work sucks” misery, I mean I cried at least 90% of the days I was working there. And that, my friends, is not sustainable. SO BYYYYEEEEEEE!
Quick shout out though to the many people there that I DID love spending time with and made the few months there bearable. <3
P.s. the company itself was not totally horrible, I was just in a perfect storm of misery there.
Feels like my life has been really crazy over the past few months. Buying a house was so scary for me. It’s really hard for me to do things without knowing 100% that I am making a smart decision. I also have a really difficult time trusting myself. So this was a double whammy and definitely brought my anxiety to an all time high. Plus, with adding a new job, I really was having a rough time. Starting a new job always brings this insatiable desire to “prove” myself and show people that I’m not just a small, young, stupid girl. I don’t know where that sort of assumption of people’s initial perception of me comes from, but I’m working on it.
Things are finally beginning to calm down a bit and return to the normal craziness of life, not this super hyped up roller coaster craziness that it has been lately! And with that being said, I’m trying to do more writing. I really like writing narratives like I did at the beginning of this blog. I’m going to try to return to that as well as just my stream of consciousness form of therapy.
I missed a few of my monthly goals so I’m going to try to catch up on those as well. Here’s to more recipes, mental health rants, LOTS of house updates and DIY projects, and hopefully some more personal narratives! Stay tuned :)